I was always a child of adversity. I learned early on that struggle is an indisputable part of life. Rather than hide it, I’m glad my parents were always open with my siblings about it. It made me, us, a lot stronger.
I re-discovered this old poem I wrote when I was 10? 11? I forget the exact age, but I remember those feelings clearly because those are lessons I carry with me until this day. Before blogs, I had poems, which I don’t write anymore now. Funny how the words of a child can still speak the truth of a young woman. Are you essentially the same person you were back then?
By Rica’s adolescent self
As I walk through the place of one of life’s graves ,
I’m thinking about how I got here,
While walking at snail’s pace.
A cave I remember all dark and scary,
I’m at an unfamiliar territory
But I’m blessed with God’s grace
I lit up a candle,
The flame oh so bright.
It was my savior at the moment,
It was my beacon of light.
Oh how I savored that moment,
When everything was clear.
Everything came naturally,
there was never a tear.
As I step on froward to get nearer to the end,
I’m impatiently waiting for this walk to end.
Because there at the finish my prize is waiting
I wonder what my treasure is,
That I’ve been longingly craving.
My steps are fast,
My light shines on,
But the path behind me gets dim as the candle lights further on.
The mistakes I made are hard to see,
Because I can’t see through the dark behind me.
The path ahead becomes blurry with my rain of tears,
I’m already confused,
I don’t want to feel.
I take a step back,
I make a turn.
I hope I can see the lessons I had to learn.
Because now I’m ready to face the truth,
That I missed when everything seemed to good to be true.
But as the signs appear,
I don’t want to believe.
I drop my candle,
The flame disappears.
Complete darkness takes over
Oh someone please save me,
Take me away from it all.
Because the air is cold,
It matches my heart.
Now that I know the truth,
My heart shatters,
It breaks apart.
Now the journey is harder,
But I wont sit and cry.
I need to be strong,
Though I’m injured inside.
There’s a fire inside me,
It’s lighting the way.
Now I believe I can survive the rest of my days.
The fire grows larger,
It clears out my head,
As the cause of my injuries,
Can now be seen ahead.
I take it slow now,
A step at a time.
So I know when the cave,
Puts a fake perception in my mind.
Then that moment came,
When I saw the light.
It was like heaven reaching down,
Wanting to hold me real tight.
As I take my final steps to the freedom awaiting,
The thought of my treasure comes,
It has finished waiting.
But when I came out all I saw was life’s grave,
It wasn’t exactly the treasure I thought would be made.
There is just me still alone as before,
But with a different feeling,
Like I gained something more.
What kind of grave is this that life put here at this end?
Of a cave that made me feel as if I was born again.
My foot then hits something while I’m walking and thinking,
It was a tombstone that had something,
That had something worth reading.
Then it hit me that this was a grave,
That buried all the insecurities,
That came with life’s game.
And the prize I get,
For coming this far,
Is finding who I am,
And nothing more.