Mundane + Insanity = Mundanity.
I seem to understand math more when I use words instead of numbers. It makes more sense to me. And this is a particular problem that I’m internally exhausting myself trying to find an answer for.
Initially I came up with that equation to sum up my first week of OJT which is not what I expected it to be. This was supposed to be the exciting part of my summer, but it isn’t for reasons I won’t disclose here. I’ll write a post about it once my internship is over.
But the equation, I realized, is not mutually exclusive to how I’ve been feeling in general for awhile now. (I’m loving how i can use math terms to describe my life haha.)
No, I’m not depressed. I’m still a happy go lucky person who’s grateful for her many blessings. And no, it’s not that I have anything against the mundane. Actually, I believe that one key to happiness is learning how to see and appreciate the simple serendipity of seemingly ordinary things.
Neither am I referring to mundane as the watching of endless hours of Community, reading The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo series, or staring at my computer and surfing the internet. That’s the kind of mundanity minus the insanity that I enjoy. This mundanity is different.
Have you ever felt tired of the same old crap, which ironically is the same old crap that you used to find exciting? The sheen is wearing off and yet there you are, still trying to see some reflection of meaning from it. It has become mundane and it’s insane because like Albert Einstein once said insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Sometimes I get these spasms of negativity which I try to fight with no other than well, positive thoughts. But I always try to catch myself before I do or say anything I’ll regret.
The obvious solution is to do something different, but the question is what? While I’m trying to figure that out, mundanity is settling for the sad excuse of what should be more meaningful in the mean time.
Maybe i’m going through a funk or maybe I’ve just had too much time to think lately. But, I’m looking, and… looking, constantly telling myself that only the curious have something to find and hopefully that’s a new adventure. I know it’s out there somewhere. Thankfully I’m not cynical enough to think that it’s not.