I was both excited and anxious to write this article. Firstly, because it’s something that I know I can say a lot about so there’s that self-inflicted pressure to articulate everything that I wanted to say. Secondly, by doing so I was risking being labeled as that “Ultimate Single Girl” which might actually decrease my chances at a love life this year haha. Thirdly, I really didn’t want to come off as self absorbed.
But it came out just the way I wanted it to be, maybe even better. I think it’s my favorite article yet! And it made me really happy to get such a response from it. After all every journalist wants to be able to reach out to his or her readers. It’s awesome to know that people – single, taken, boy, or girl – can relate!
Really, there’s no reason for singles to be S.A.D on valentines day or any other day of the year. The pictures on my blog are out takes from my photographer Ean Dacay which I edited. Enjoy :)
No (wo)man is an island
By: Rica S. Facundo
Despite a population of more than seven billion people, the world can get lonely sometimes. From time to time, we may ask ourselves: are we all really destined to be stuck on a deserted island with no one but ourselves to keep us company forever?
Within him or her is a paradise that is bound to be experienced with others. It’s wasteful not to share the view—an infinite horizon of beautiful possibilities, but not before it has time to let life form them first.
In my case, I have been single since birth. Over the course of my life, I have come across most if not all overused clichés and romantic justifications to explain my lifelong statuses – “when it happens, it happens”, “I haven’t met the one” and “I’m just not looking” may vary on the scale of cheesiness, but secretly, we know that a lot of them ring true to our hearts.
Obviously there many scripted lines found in the handbook for singles, ready to guide anyone interrogated with the infamous and sometimes annoying questions and assuming judgments about singlehood. Admittedly, I’ve used a fair share of them to defend and explain the different chapters of my love life myself (then again, who hasn’t?)
But now at twenty years old, an age of which most undergraduates are on their path of self-discovery, I have no readymade answer to give. That’s because in the face of this burning question, I realized that I haven’t really been paying attention. My life is narrating a different story, with the old script now irrelevant. Prince Charming is now a minor character and the fairy tale has now become reality.
Putting the ‘single and ready to mingle mantra’ and all the fun shenanigans aside, the footnote in every great single love story is this: It’s less about the single activities and more about the kind of person the single person becomes that matters most.
That’s when singlehood moves on from being a stagnant stage in one’s love life soundtrack to a single playlist that one saves for special occasions. Sometimes you’ll even overlook its existence, proving that it’s easy to forget one is single when one is busy enjoying the rest of life’s music. And that’s when you realize it doesn’t matter that you still are.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that all single people have boycotted relationships and continue to parade around in picket lines, holding signs painted with a big red “NO TO LOVE” to scare off every suitor that comes their way, or are unwilling to raise the white flag and negotiate the terms. After all, we are all human with hearts that love and a soul that gets lonely.
Single people, especially those in college, are actually saying yes to the biggest relationship of all time. It’s a yes to themselves, a declaration of which presupposes and enriches any future romantic or even platonic relationship with others. In the first Sex and the City movie, I remember the breakup line that Samantha Jones, a strong and vibrant woman who rarely commits to a life of monogamy, gave to her then- longtime boyfriend. Despite of her indisputable love for him, she said that she’s been in a relationship with herself for 49 years and that’s the one she needs to work on.
We learn in Theology 131: Marriage and Human Sexuality that a relationship is the best context for a person to grow and mature. Like what Samantha points out, a relationship with one’s self should still exist. Some are stronger and more evident than others which in the long run, play a vital role in determining the health of one’s relationship.
In M. Scott Peck’s “The Road Less Travelled”, he defines love as the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth. That’s why it’s a common misconception that love is about completing one another. Rather, it should be about complimenting each other which is hard to do if you start with a self with so many holes to fill.
So, if no (wo)man is an island then why is it that there are so many single people still lingering around? In my twenty years of experience, my answer is this:
You don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy. Initially that’s your job to fulfill. Instead, you can be in a relationship to become a happier self than you already are.
So when my sunrise meets his sunset, each of us painting the sky with our own brushstrokes of color, the image created will not be that of solitary islands, but of bona fide paradise—mine and his combined.”