Where the wild things are sometimes not

Whether or not you believe me when I say that I’m almost retired from that whole scene,  I know that partying will always be a part of me. And seeing as that will always be an inherent trait of mine,  I somewhat feel like an expert on the topic which therefore means that the subsequent claims in this entry are validated by my experience.  After all it takes a party girl (past or present) to know and talk about one.

I’m used to the party girl stereotype. In freshman year the mere mention of my high school would instantly label me as one. And apparently that’s the kind of vibe I (used to) give off. Admittedly I’ve had more than my fair share of intoxicated escapades, releasing that inner desire to drink till I drop and club hop at an early age. But what’s funny is how now, at my junior year, I apparently look more like a good girl. Since when were party girls bad in the first place?

Since I found the difference between those two impressions quite amusing I decided to write an entry about it. I’ve been mulling it over in my head for quite awhile now but it was a recent incident of my friend that finally prompted me to put those thoughts into words.

Being a “party girl” or “party boy” for that matter is not synonymous with being wild and should only be interchanged with caution. Honestly I think that’s a common misconception that our traditional culture of conservatism has bred amongst our peers. Yes there are some party people who are wild but the truth is that you don’t need to be in a club to be wild. Maybe party philes get more flack about it because we’re more public about letting our inhibitions run free

Personally being dubbed as a party person simply means you like going out and socializing and you know how to have fun doing it. Unless you’re grinding upon and hooking up with some guy every weekend I don’t see how wild and “party girl” can be used in the same sentence.  Or how being a “party girl” should have such a negative connotation.

Recently a friend of mine was dubbed “wild” by her relatives who found out that she let a guy kiss her in public and that her clothes are too sexy (when honestly it isn’t.) And this sparked a whole conversation about the double standard in society where the norms encourage a certain lifestyle to “fit in” a.k.a go out, drink,  etc. And yet when we do engage in such so called atrocious behavior, we get judged by it.

I remember that during the peak of my party days how people would be surprised when they talked to me past that judgmental first impression; how despite seeing my intoxicated  weekends from afar that I was not and am not as wild as they thought i was. This reaffirms what i said earlier about how  “wild” and “party girl” are two entirely different things.

Just to be clear, I’m not complaining or denying of what I apparently seem to be because I’m old enough to not care and know myself better than that. My point is simply this:  So what if you’re a party girl or boy? That you like to go out and have a couple of drinks (or shots?) Because honestly there are worst things you could be.

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8 thoughts on “Where the wild things are sometimes not

  1. Totally agree with ur post, and especially the final paragraph.

    “Partying” is part of life…How one views it, changes as one grows older.

    • Hey Cindy,

      Thanks for your comment! Yup, that’s true. I agree with what you said too about “how one views it changes as one grows older” and maturer! My own views have definitely changed as well. :)

  2. Depends on how you define “party girl” – partying has a lot of negative connotations, including the “worse things you could be”.

    • Hello dear sister,

      I understand that our vices that usually elicit those negative connotations are more susceptible to come out during partying. I’m aware of it but there’s also another side to it which is what i’m trying to point out in this blog entry because it’s usually over looked. :)

  3. attempting to sanitize a label like “party-girl” from the associations of alcohol, promiscuity, and scantily clad outfits is futile when considering the powerful forces – pop culture, media, ubiquitous stereotypes, and promiscuous, alcoholic, scantily clad girls who party – that reinforce it’s negative connotations. if you’d like to avoid being misconstrued, simply don’t identify yourself with a term that’s so inherently tainted; repel it when it is used to label you. since your personal brand of ‘party-girl’ is incompatible with the socially accepted definition of ‘party-girl’, maybe you should create new ways to more accurately describe yourself, rather than using a two-word label for convenience.
    you’ve covered some of the sources from which the negative connotations arise. you mentioned the “traditional culture of conservatism”, while it’d be more accurate to point to the deeply ingrained religious values in your society. strip away the religiously-constructed ethical framework that has shaped social attitudes for centuries, and immediately, being a “party-girl” loses much of it’s immoral nature in the eyes of many. from a bioevolutionary perspective, drinking alcohol tarnishes your body, reducing your value as a potential mate; the ideal mate will have the most pristine qualities possible to ensure a healthy child. from a feminist perspective, there is a whole list of things wrong with drinking a substance that renders you more vulnerable to the vices of men. from a hedonist perspective, you should always maximize your pleasure – for it’s the only intrinsic good. from a utilitarianism perspective, you should club since it promotes happiness from your friends and all the men who happen to lay eyes on you. from an economist’s perspective, you should be encouraged to go to clubs and have babies. you are educated, likely to be successful and control a income, and you are likely to find a man in the same class at the clubs you choose to attend – what does this translate to from an economists perspective? more educated and working-stable moms equals better infant mortality rates, better child health and nutrition, better economic productivity, lower population growth, and broken cycles of poverty.
    by bringing up these various perspectives that oppose and encourage “party-girls”, I wanted to make the point that morality is very much relative, and what’s most important is for you to live to your highest human-form (whatever it may be to you), with reason, and rationality – even this ethical philosophy is subjective, since it’s from me and maybe Ayn Rand.
    my final point is this: people will judge you based on their interpretation of what you present to them. the more worth-while people in life will be those whose opinions of you aren’t fixed into position by bias, prejudice, closed-mindedness, piety, and initial impressions; they will want to get to know you with fresh and open minds.
    I hope this made sense. I’ll admit that, having just gotten back from a party, I was slightly intoxicated when writing this. I guess I’m some-what of a ‘party-boy’ myself heh.

    • Hello,

      Before I respond I just want to thank you for your comment. I’ve never had such a response from one of my entries and it was quite interesting to read because it definitely shed new light on the topic in a variety of ways.

      Anyways, I just want to clarify that I’m fully aware of the negative connotations that goes along with partying and i understand where people are coming from when they label or judge partyphiles because honestly, it’s hard not to. A lot of factors that can illicit such questionable behavior thrive in those kinds of settings. Such an issue is obviously deeply rooted in a lot of factors which you mentioned above- religious, morale, etc, but the point of my blog was not to really delve and expose the world of partying. If this was an essay then of course I would. I was just making an insight or an observation into something that I found relatively amusing in my life recently.

      Also, I’ve never used “party girl” as a way to describe, or introduce myself to anyone. It’s not that i want to “avoid being misconstrued” because it honestly doesn’t bother me whether people do. The only opinions who matter to me are those who know me best. Plus, I know how to hold myself accountable if i do anything questionable to begin with. Personally, partying doesn’t define me. It’s just something that I sometimes like to do on the weekends. My point is that if someone wants to call me, or anyone else a party girl or boy, then so be it.

      Anyways, thanks for the comment again. If you’re a “party boy” then maybe i’ll run into you soon. :)

      • I’m sorry if my message seemed critical of you – it wasn’t intentional. I was, for the most part, making a observation/insight not directed to anybody in particular. Like many of your blog messages, it was written for the purpose of self-expression and a sense of catharsis. The theme and subject of your message filled me with a compulsion to write (for reasons I will state), and my prefrontal cortex – impaired from that evenings festivities – didn’t stop me. So perhaps I should be the one thanking you, for allowing me to use your blog as a blog of my own haha. Now that my first ever blog post has passed, I think I may now understand the allure to writing on a blog. Here, in this swathe of code on the world wide web, you’re able to transcend the insecurities, the group dynamics, the self-doubt, the worry of implications and consequences – all the socio-psychological factors that stifle one’s candidness and honesty in live interactive settings, and divulge what you’d like at your own discretion. You’re also given quite nourishing attention in the form of readers; if you don’t have readers, you’re at least given the comforting illusion that you’re being read, and you’re still able to find solace in thinking that somebody in this vastly impersonal world can see you in your nakedness and maybe relate to or understand you. So not only do you have a podium on which to speak freely, but you fulfill basic human social needs; you’re provided a sort of shelter – a virtual and psychological shelter, where you’re able to remove the cloak of pretense you wore throughout the day, and feel distanced from loneliness, and alienation from society.
        But I‘m digressing and rambling.. my message was in fact addressing a certain demographic. Reading your message reminded me of the countless girls I come by who experience a degree of suffering – ranging from shame and guilt to depression and self-loathing – after being subject to a person imposing their moral beliefs onto them. This “person” can take the form of their peers, parents or other authority figures, and themselves – their consciences reprimanding their actions for transgressing against unquestioned, blindly accepted, irrational ethical values. Many of these girls are also “party girls”, who, like you, enjoy to drink, dance, and interact with attractive men – you shouldn’t deny this last part, because I happened to be the dashing attractive man you interacted with at a party some time ago :p. I’ve noticed that these girls find themselves in the same dilemma, where they try to reconcile the satisfaction of two competing interests: maintaining a socially respectable image and following desires that would likely result in the tarnishing of said image. Failing to meet the first can have severe consequences, depending on the person. In the forming of the self, we internalize and act from social perspectives. Words and labels can wound, degrade, exclude, and incite harm of stunning proportions. Negative messages can demolish one’s sense of self-worth and self-esteem, leading to dangerous emotional problems . Failing to meet the second can also lead to negative outcomes. You, however, seem to be someone fortunate enough to have developed a firm self-concept and identity, emotional intelligence, and the capacity for free-thought, so that you aren‘t disquieted by the misconceptions and unfavorable opinions of others; I guess the fact that you willingly write on public blogs, and publish thousands of pictures to face book for thousands of people to access, is a testament to the strength and confidence in your character haha.

        Anyway, I felt compelled to reply, not because you sounded as if you fell into the aforementioned demographic of girls, but because your message raised something I’ve also observed, and I wanted to share my own thoughts on it while preaching my philosophical beliefs on the arbitrariness of the moral laws that often bind us all to discontent. I have to say that I was a bit disappointed that, in your reply, you seemed more concerned with defending your position and clarifying the purpose of your blog post than expanding on the discussion of the topic at hand. But I’m aware that you have a life, and perhaps wanted to move on from this haha. after all, this is a blog and not a forum.

        I highly doubt you will be running into me at a party anytime soon.. I would like to be wrong about that though :)

  4. I forgot to mention a most valid Schopenhauerian explanation for why you and so many others are driven to go clubbing: the blind, unconscious, biological urge to reproduce and propagate the species.

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